SQL Server Performance

20 Things To Do, To Pretend You're Working

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by satya, Oct 14, 2005.

  1. satya Moderator

    <b>20 Things To Do, To Pretend You're Working </b><br /> <ul><br />1) Arrange your desk twice a day by placing all the paperwork you have and sorting it. Make noise and get noticed that you are working.<br /><br />2) Open a large document, put your hands up to your head so nobody can see your eyes and go asleep. Don't make noise or it will be noticed that you are asleep.<br /><br />3) Frequent the Coffee Machine every hour.<br /><br />4) Frequent the Chocolate vending Machine every hour.<br /><br />5) Frequent the Toilets as much as possible.<br /><br />6) Print out documents and frequent the printer every hour.<br /><br />7) Pretend to read the above documents as if you are interested in the content.<br /><br /><img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-11.gif' alt='8)' /> Browse the Net.<br /><br />9) Check your E-mail and reply to any that you have every 5 minutes.<br /><br />10) Type su on the Unix machine and try to guess the root password.<br /><br />11) Make up some stupid 10 ten lists.<br /><br />12) Distribute these to friends one at a time<br /><br />13) Revise the above top ten lists or expand to a top 20 list.<br /><br />14) Get more coffee to help you think.<br /><br />15) Re-visit toilets due to excessive coffee consumption.<br /><br />16) Put on your favourite CD so you can't hear other people working beside you.<br /><br />17) Fix the height of your rotating chair.<br /><br />1<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-11.gif' alt='8)' /> Pretend to look for things in your drawer.<br /><br />19) Visit the printer and pretend that there should be stuff there for you and shout "Blasted printer !"<br /><br />20) Deliberately break the system in work, so when asked you'll know how to fix it.<br /></ul>
  2. chaitu1385 New Member

    <b></b> <br /><br />Really the tips r too good...[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-3.gif' alt=':eek:' />)]<br /><br />I will try some tips which i haven't tried till now.[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br />try to give as many as possible[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />]<br /><br />krishna chaitanya sanka<br />project engineer-SQLDBA<br /><br />'TO IMPROVE IS TO CHANGE....TO BE PERFECT IS TO CHANGE OFTEN!!!!<br />
  3. satya Moderator

    LOL, these are not mine and being Friday to get a laugh they are posted.<br />I'm a hard working person... not a hard(ly) working person [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />].<br /><br /><hr noshade size="1"><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com/forum>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com/forum</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided “AS IS” with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>
  4. Madhivanan Moderator



    Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  5. benwilson New Member

    <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /> in my last job during one particularly horrible period, one of the girls i worked with was drinking as much as she could every day so:<br />a) she had to go fill her drink bottle up really often<br />b) she had to go to the toilet lots...the things we do to get out of work!<br /><br />'I reject your reality and substitute my own' - Adam Savage
  6. RGKN New Member

    21.) Participate in technical forums. Pretending that you are actually doing some work, when really you're just trying to kill a few minutes before your next cup of coffee.
  7. ghemant Moderator

    LOL [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />ghemant@gmail.com<br />"Humans don't have Caliber to PASS TIME , Time it self Pass or Fail Humans" - by Hemantgiri Goswami<br />
  8. ranjitjain New Member

    Cool tips .....[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br />But i can't follow these [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]and not even waiting for the day to implement these.[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />]
  9. Akthar New Member

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />] cool tips<br /><br />AKTHAR
  10. suleman New Member

    22) try holding the phone with ur left shoulder pressing ur ear and both the hands on the system... or one hand on the keyboard and the with other hold a pen ...


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