SQL Server Performance


Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by ranjitjain, Jun 2, 2006.

  1. ranjitjain New Member

    1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month. [B)] <br /><br /> 2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.[:0] <br /><br /> 3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. [^] <br /><br /> 4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />] <br /><br /> 5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-6.gif' alt=':(' />!]<br /><br /> 6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />]<br /><br /> 7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months. [:I]<br /><br /> <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-11.gif' alt='8)' /> Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby. <br /><br /> And lastly .................. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br /> 9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br />[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]
  2. FrankKalis Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />] lol<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Heute schon gebloggt?<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de/blogs>http://www.insidesql.de/blogs</a>
  3. Madhivanan Moderator

    ROTFL [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  4. smy New Member

    Agreed with that! haha.. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br /><br />TGIF!!!
  5. mmarovic Active Member

    I had an IT director (and women on top of that) who thought 1) [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-6.gif' alt=':(' />]
  6. joechang New Member

    as long as she didn't ask you to do it, i would let this slide
  7. Luis Martin Moderator

    Very good one!!!!!

    Luis Martin

    All in Love is Fair
    Stevie Wonder

    All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.

  8. ghemant Moderator

    LOL <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br /><br />Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />ghemant@gmail.com<br />"Humans don't have Caliber to PASS TIME , Time it self Pass or Fail Humans" - by Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />
  9. mmarovic Active Member

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by joechang</i><br /><br />as long as she didn't ask you to do it, i would let this slide<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />She didn't ask me literaly that, but close enough [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />] [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-6.gif' alt=':(' />]
  10. dineshasanka Moderator

    Old one, but good to remind

  11. vbkenya New Member

    Good one. But where is the DBA in that list? Doesn't the DBA think that the woman is too slow? 9 months! What would Satya suggest for optimizing this query?

    Nathan H. Omukwenyi
    MVP [SQL Server]
  12. satya Moderator

    LOL<br />Nathan... the baby you're referring will be the DBA [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]and will be way ahead to prove all the ones are wrong.<br /><br /><hr noshade size="1"><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor & Forums Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided �AS IS� with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>

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