SQL Server Performance

Definitions...

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by ramkumar.mu, Oct 18, 2006.

  1. ramkumar.mu New Member

    These classic definitions and cool meanings are thoughtfully constructed to be hilarious. Not to hurt anyone...

    1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a
    fool at the other.

    2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are
    more popular than a five day test.

    3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
    and a woman gains her masters.

    4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

    5. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by
    feminine water-power.

    6. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

    7. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

    8. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the
    lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

    9. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

    10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks,nobody listens &
    everybody disagrees later on.

    11. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
    believes he got the biggest piece.

    12. Etc : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
    actually do.

    13. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
    decide that nothing can be done together.

    14. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

    15. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

    16. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

    17. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

    18. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

    19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

    20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of
    when dead.

    21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you
    actually look forward to the trip.

    22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls
    into a river.

    23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway
    "See I am not injured yet."

    24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,
    Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

    25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

    26. Father : A banker provided by nature.

    27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

    28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
    early.

    29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your
    Confidence after.

    30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his
    bills.

    31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails......




    Thanks,
    Ram

    "It is easy to write code for a spec and walk in water, provided, both are freezed..."
  2. FrankKalis Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Moderator<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  3. ramkumar.mu New Member

    The last one made me nod my head [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Thanks,<br />Ram<br /><br />"It is easy to write code for a spec and walk in water, provided, both are freezed..."
  4. ranjitjain New Member

    good one[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]
  5. Madhivanan Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  6. satya Moderator

    Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree <br />and a woman gains her masters. <br />... a fun dooo saying... I like that.[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br /><hr noshade size="1"><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor & Forums Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>
  7. ghemant Moderator

    Last one is a very good <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br /><br />Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />"Humans don't have Caliber to PASS TIME , Time it self Pass or Fail Humans" - by Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />------------------------<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://hemantgirisgoswami.blogspot.com>http://hemantgirisgoswami.blogspot.com</a>

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