SQL Server Performance

Few one liners

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by ranjitjain, Jul 12, 2005.

  1. ranjitjain New Member

    They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /> <br />*************************************** *************************************** <br /> <br />its difficult 2 understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?! [:0]<br /><br />*************************************** *************************************** <br /><br />What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side![<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br />*************************************** *************************************** <br /> <br />It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.<br />It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />]<br /> <br />*************************************** *************************************** <br />A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.<br />A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..<br />A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.![8D]<br />
  2. dineshasanka Moderator

  3. ghemant Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by ranjitjain</i><br /><br />They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /> <br />*************************************** *************************************** <br /> <br />its difficult 2 understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?! [:0]<br /><br />*************************************** *************************************** <br /><br />What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side![<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br />*************************************** *************************************** <br /> <br />It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.<br />It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />]<br /> <br />*************************************** *************************************** <br />A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.<br />A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..<br />A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.![8D]<br /><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br /><br />Hi Ranjit , <br />so what is your feeling are you murdered or Suicide ? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br />God create Jungles and he sleep for years...<br />God create creatures and he sleep for years...<br />then God create men and again sleep for years...<br />and then God creates women and hmmmmm....till date God wont able to sleep [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />hsGoswami<br />ghemant@gmail.com
  4. Madhivanan Moderator

    Why do all married men think like this? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  5. FrankKalis Moderator

    Interesting to see, that men seems to be all the same all over the globe. So, not really much of a great difference as certain folks are trying to tell us.

    Madhivanan, you're married?

    --
    Frank Kalis
    Microsoft SQL Server MVP
    http://www.insidesql.de
    Ich unterstütze PASS Deutschland e.V. http://www.sqlpass.de)
  6. ranjitjain New Member

    Hi hemant,
    Everyday i've been murdered softly by my wife and if by god's grace if my goddess wife
    shows some sympothy then that day i myself commit suicide.
  7. FrankKalis Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><br />...murdered softly ...<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />So you call this stuff? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br />Hey, aren't you folks in India not more famous for inventing the Kamasutra? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Ich unterstütze PASS Deutschland e.V. <a target="_blank" href=http://www.sqlpass.de>http://www.sqlpass.de</a>) <br />
  8. ranjitjain New Member

    So frank you love kamasutra,[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br />indians have that feeling from childhood....ha ha ha...[:I][:I]<br /><br />[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by FrankKalis</i><br /><br /><blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><br />...murdered softly ...<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />So you call this stuff? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br />Hey, aren't you folks in India not more famous for inventing the Kamasutra? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Ich unterst?ASS Deutschland e.V. <a target="_blank" href=http://www.sqlpass.de>http://www.sqlpass.de</a>) <br /><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
  9. Madhivanan Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Madhivanan, you're married?<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />No [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Hey, aren't you folks in India not more famous for inventing the Kamasutra? <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />Frank, did you read that? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  10. FrankKalis Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><br />..., did you read that?<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />Yes, but if you ask me, I don't remember much of the text... [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Ich unterstütze PASS Deutschland e.V. <a target="_blank" href=http://www.sqlpass.de>http://www.sqlpass.de</a>) <br />
  11. Madhivanan Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Yes, but if you ask me, I don't remember much of the text... <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />Nice excuse [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  12. bradmcgehee New Member

    Before I was married, I would not have understoon any of these jokes. Now, it is all too clear.

    -----------------------------
    Brad M. McGehee, MVP
    Webmaster
    SQL-Server-Performance.Com
  13. Luis Martin Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by bradmcgehee</i><br /><br />Before I was married, I would not have understoon any of these jokes. Now, it is all too clear.<br /><br />-----------------------------<br />Brad M. McGehee, MVP<br />Webmaster<br />SQL-Server-Performance.Com<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br />After 32 years married, I'm happy[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />].<br /><br />Happy because she does not read this forum[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br /><br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important<br />Bertrand Russell<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br />
  14. Madhivanan Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Happy because she does not read this forum<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />Better not to show this to her [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  15. FrankKalis Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><br />After 32 years married, I'm happy.<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />Congrats to this, Luis! Hope I can say the same in 22 years. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Ich unterstütze PASS Deutschland e.V. <a target="_blank" href=http://www.sqlpass.de>http://www.sqlpass.de</a>) <br />
  16. Luis Martin Moderator

    Thanks Frank, you know the secret: You have the last word, yes darling[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />].<br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important<br />Bertrand Russell<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br />
  17. FrankKalis Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><br />...yes darling<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />This simple trick worked the last 10 years. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Ich unterstütze PASS Deutschland e.V. <a target="_blank" href=http://www.sqlpass.de>http://www.sqlpass.de</a>) <br />

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