SQL Server Performance

FF - mixture of jokes

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by satya, May 25, 2007.

  1. satya Moderator

    CALL CENTRE:<br />Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." <br />Customer: "Ok."<br /><br />Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"<br />Customer: "No."<br /><br />Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" <br />Customer: "No."<br /><br />Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"<br />Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." <hr noshade size="1"><br />Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."<br />Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."<br /><br />Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."<br />Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." <br /><br />Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."<br /><br />Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."<br />Customer:: "What?" <br /><br />Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"<br />Customer: "No..."<br /><hr noshade size="1"><br />Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"<br />Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"<br /><br />Tech support: ???!!! [:0]<br /><hr noshade size="1"><br />Tech Support: : "What type of computer do you have?"<br />Customer:: "A white one." <br />Tech support:: ???<br /><br />Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?" <br />Customer: "Pentium."<br /><br />Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."<br />Tech support:: ???<br /><br />Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"<br />Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."<br /><br />Tech Support:: "Well?"<br />Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"<br /><hr noshade size="1"><br />Computer addicted GEEKS [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits. <br /><br />In your dream you will have 256 pallettes of 256 colors with 1024x768 resolution.<br /><br />You are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page. <br /><br />You get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.<br /><br />You look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.<br /><br />You can understand sentences with four or more acronyms in them.<br />
  2. khtan New Member

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br /><hr noshade size="1"><br /><font color="blue"><font size="1"><i>KH</i></font id="size1"></font id="blue">
  3. FrankKalis Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><br />256 colors <br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />That's the beginning geek, I guess. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />] Mine is 32 bit. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forum Moderator<a target="_blank" href=http://www.sql-server-performance.com>http://www.sql-server-performance.com</a><br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  4. satya Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />] With Vista I get True Color with 1124x768 resolution....sometimes with 64 bit[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by FrankKalis</i><br /><br /><blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><br />256 colors <br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />That's the beginning geek, I guess. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />] Mine is 32 bit. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forum Moderator<a target="_blank" href=http://www.sql-server-performance.com>http://www.sql-server-performance.com</a><br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
  5. Luis Martin Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">All in Love is Fair <br />Stevie Wonder<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br />
  6. Madhivanan Moderator

    ROTFL

    Madhivanan

    Failing to plan is Planning to fail

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