A woman hails a cab in NYC, jumps in and says to the cabbie. "T.G.I.F." The cabbie just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Huh?" She repeats, "T.G.I.F." The cabbie thinks about that for a moment and says, "S.H.I.T." Not understanding, she inquires about the meaning of the acronym. The cabbie responds, "Sorry Honey, It's Thursday!" * Buy a Pentium 686/300, so you can reboot faster. * 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2 (especially with the old Pentium chip). * Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. * My software never has bugs; it just develops random features. * Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put in new ones. * The name is Baud... James Baud. * Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! * C: Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. * Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! STAAAY... * Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or file name!" * As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. * Backups? We don't need no stinking backups. * E Pluribus Modem * C: File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) * A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available. * An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. * CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)? * A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord. * 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium. * Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. * Windows: Just another pain in the glass. * SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . * RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure. * All computers wait at the same speed. * Computer (dfn): A device designed to speed and automate errors. * Press to continue ...Smash forehead on keyboard to continue... Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... Just do something!! * E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. * Help! I've modemed and I can't hang up!! * All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? * Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. * "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 * DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS * Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! * Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... * Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven. * Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~" * Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) * Read my chips: No new upgrades! * Hit any user to continue. * 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!! * I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control! * Will the information superhighway have any rest stops? * Disk Full - Press F1 to belch. * Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (V)omit * (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network? * If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. * Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects. * Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand." * Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. * Relax, it's only ONES and ZEROS! * Will configure ones and zeros for food!