SQL Server Performance

Friday funnies 2

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by satya, Mar 17, 2006.

  1. satya Moderator

    Pardon me if they are repeated previsouly [:I][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-3.gif' alt=':eek:' />)]<br /><hr noshade size="1"><br />So THAT'S What That Means!<br />PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms<br />ISDN - It Still Does Nothing<br />APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity<br />SCSI - System Can't See It<br />DOS - Defunct Operating System<br />BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control<br />IBM - I Blame Microsoft<br />DEC - Do Expect Cuts<br />CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months<br />OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too.<br />WWW - World Wide Wait<br />MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs<br /><br /><br />A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman.<br /><br />Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new career.<br /><br />"Well," he replied, "the pay could be better, and the hours can be long, but what I like is that the customer is always wrong."<br /><br /><br /><br />The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech.<br /><br />When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.<br /><br />"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."<br /><br />The employee was baffled. "I don't understand it," he replied. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech, I timed it carefully. I then printed it out, along with two copies, and gave them to you just before you left."<br /><hr noshade size="1"><br />NOTICE TO EMPLOYEES:<br /><br />It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that specify large amounts of Miscellaneous Unproductive Time.<br /><br />Unproductive time is not a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing with your unproductive time. The newly installed Activity Based Costing Financial System requires additional information to achieve its goals.<br /><br />Attached is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with better precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you may encounter.<br /><br />Extended Task Code List Code - Explanation:<br /><br />5000 Surfing the Net<br />5001 Reading/Writing Social Email<br />5002 Sharing Social E-Mail (see codes #5003, #5004)<br />5003 Collecting Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E- Mail<br />5004 Forwarding Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E- Mail<br />5005 Faxing Jokes and Other Humorous Material to Friends not on E-Mail<br />5316 Meeting<br />5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting<br />5318 Trying to sound knowledgeable while in Meeting<br />5319 Waiting for Break<br />5320 Waiting for Lunch<br />5321 Waiting for End of Day<br />5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker<br />5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker while Coworker Is Not Present<br />5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend<br />5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Is Not Interested in Learning<br />5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid<br />5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates Me<br />5481 Buying Snack<br />5482 Eating Snack<br />5500 Filling Out Time Sheet<br />5501 Inventing Time Sheet Entries<br />5502 Waiting for Something to Happen<br />5503 Scratching Myself<br />5504 Sleeping<br />5510 Feeling Bored<br />5600 Bellyaching about Lousy Job (see code #5610)<br />5601 Bellyaching about Low Pay (see code #5610)<br />5602 Bellyaching about Long Hours (see code #5610)<br />5603 Bellyaching about Coworker (see codes #5322, #5323)<br />5604 Bellyaching about Boss (see code #5610)<br />5605 Bellyaching about Personal Problems<br />5610 Searching for a New Job<br />5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Bellyaching<br />5701 Not Actually Present at Job<br />5702 Suffering from Eight-Hour Flu<br />6102 Ordering Out<br />6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive<br />6104 Taking it Easy while Digesting Food<br />6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit<br />6201 Stealing Company Goods<br />6202 Making Excuses after Accidentally Destroying Company Goods<br />6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distant Personal Calls<br />6206 Gossiping<br />6207 Planning a Social Event<br />6210 Feeling Sorry for Myself<br />6221 Pretending to Work While Boss is Watching<br />6222 Pretending to Enjoy My Job<br />6223 Pretending I Like My Coworkers<br />6224 Pretending I Like Important People When in Reality They Are Jerks<br />6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing<br />6601 Running my Own Business on Company Time<br />6602 Complaining<br />6603 Writing a Book on Company Time<br />6604 Planning a Vacation on Company Time<br />6611 Staring Into Space<br />6612 Staring at Computer Screen<br />6615 Transcendental Meditation<br />7281 Extended Trip to the Bathroom (at least 10 min.)<br />7400 Talking with Lawyer on Phone<br />7401 Talking with Plumber on Phone<br />7402 Talking with Dentist on Phone<br />7403 Talking with Doctor on Phone<br />7404 Talking with Masseuse on Phone<br />7405 Talking with House Painter on Phone<br />7406 Talking with Personal Therapist on Phone<br />7419 Talking with Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone<br />7420 Using 900 Area Code<br />7425 Talking with Mother on Phone (also see code #7400)<br />7931 Asking Coworker to Aid Me in a Work Activity<br /><br /><br />** so beware about the timecode you put next time if these are introduced at your work place.[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]
  2. FrankKalis Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><br />Friday funnies 2<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />Have I missed Part 1? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Heute schon gebloggt?<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de/blogs>http://www.insidesql.de/blogs</a><br />Ich unterstuetze PASS Deutschland e.V. <a target="_blank" href=http://www.sqlpass.de>http://www.sqlpass.de</a>)
  3. satya Moderator

    LOL thats the funnies part... there is no part1, somehow I put this as FF 2 as the previous one in Jan2006 was named as same.

    Satya SKJ
    Contributing Editor & Forums Moderator
    http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com
    This posting is provided “AS IS” with no rights for the sake of knowledge sharing.
  4. Luis Martin Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by FrankKalis</i><br /><br /><blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><br />Friday funnies 2<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />Have I missed Part 1? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Heute schon gebloggt?<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de/blogs>http://www.insidesql.de/blogs</a><br />Ich unterstuetze PASS Deutschland e.V. <a target="_blank" href=http://www.sqlpass.de>http://www.sqlpass.de</a>)<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br />This is Friday funnies 3[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">Although nature commences with reason and ends in experience it is necessary for us to do the opposite, that is to commence with experience and from this to proceed to investigate the reason.<br />Leonardo Da Vinci<br /></font id="size1"><br /><font size="1"> Nunca esperes el reconocimiento de tus hijos, eso ocurrirá luego de tu muerte<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br />
  5. Madhivanan Moderator

    Nice [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  6. ghemant Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />] [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />ghemant@gmail.com<br />"Humans don't have Caliber to PASS TIME , Time it self Pass or Fail Humans" - by Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />

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