SQL Server Performance

Friday funnies -- in new year

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by satya, Jan 21, 2005.

  1. satya Moderator

    It is March 1st and the first day of DBMS school
    The teacher starts off with a role call..
    Teacher: Oracle?
    "Present sir"
    Teacher: DB2?
    "Present sir"
    Teacher: SQL Server?
    "Present sir"
    Teacher: MySQL?
    Teacher: MySQL?
    Teacher: Where the hell is MySQL
    [In rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess]
    Teacher: Where have you been MySQL
    "Sorry sir I thought it was February 31st"
    Knock Knock
    Who's There?
    sp underscore
    sp underscore who?
    spid1, spid2, spid3....

    At the premier of the first ever database movie "The Relational Chainsaw Massacre", the crowd is waiting for the stars to arrive:
    The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people

    Interviewer: Who have you brought along?
    Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me and the other to justify the cost.

    A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people

    Interviewer: Who have you bought along?
    DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialist and 36 consultants.

    Another limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own

    Interviewer: Why haven't you brought anyone?
    SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring this URL for sqlteam when the **** hits the fan.


    Satya SKJ
    This posting is provided “AS IS” with no rights for the sake of knowledge sharing.
  2. Luis Martin Moderator

    2) Amazing[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />].<br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important<br />Bertrand Russell<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br />
  3. FrankKalis Moderator

    LOL [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />
  4. Madhivanan Moderator

    Very nice <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br /><br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail

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