SQL Server Performance

Friday funnies -- in new year

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by satya, Jan 21, 2005.

  1. satya Moderator

    1
    It is March 1st and the first day of DBMS school
    The teacher starts off with a role call..
    Teacher: Oracle?
    "Present sir"
    Teacher: DB2?
    "Present sir"
    Teacher: SQL Server?
    "Present sir"
    Teacher: MySQL?
    [Silence]
    Teacher: MySQL?
    [Silence]
    Teacher: Where the hell is MySQL
    [In rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess]
    Teacher: Where have you been MySQL
    "Sorry sir I thought it was February 31st"
    2
    Knock Knock
    Who's There?
    sp underscore
    sp underscore who?
    spid1, spid2, spid3....

    3
    At the premier of the first ever database movie "The Relational Chainsaw Massacre", the crowd is waiting for the stars to arrive:
    The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people

    Interviewer: Who have you brought along?
    Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me and the other to justify the cost.

    A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people

    Interviewer: Who have you bought along?
    DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialist and 36 consultants.

    Another limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own

    Interviewer: Why haven't you brought anyone?
    SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring this URL for sqlteam when the **** hits the fan.

    quote:http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/davidm/archive/2004/05/27/1407.aspx

    Satya SKJ
    Moderator
    http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com/forum
    This posting is provided “AS IS” with no rights for the sake of knowledge sharing.
    satya, Jan 21, 2005
    #2

  2. Luis Martin Moderator

    2) Amazing[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />].<br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important<br />Bertrand Russell<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br />
    Luis Martin, Jan 21, 2005
    #2

  3. FrankKalis Moderator

    LOL [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />
    FrankKalis, Jan 21, 2005
    #2

  4. Madhivanan Moderator

    Very nice <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br /><br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
    Madhivanan, Apr 11, 2005
    #2

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