1 It is March 1st and the first day of DBMS school The teacher starts off with a role call.. Teacher: Oracle? "Present sir" Teacher: DB2? "Present sir" Teacher: SQL Server? "Present sir" Teacher: MySQL? [Silence] Teacher: MySQL? [Silence] Teacher: Where the hell is MySQL [In rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess] Teacher: Where have you been MySQL "Sorry sir I thought it was February 31st" 2 Knock Knock Who's There? sp underscore sp underscore who? spid1, spid2, spid3.... 3 At the premier of the first ever database movie "The Relational Chainsaw Massacre", the crowd is waiting for the stars to arrive: The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people Interviewer: Who have you brought along? Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me and the other to justify the cost. A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people Interviewer: Who have you bought along? DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialist and 36 consultants. Another limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own Interviewer: Why haven't you brought anyone? SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring this URL for sqlteam when the **** hits the fan. quote:http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/davidm/archive/2004/05/27/1407.aspx Satya SKJ Moderator http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com/forum This posting is provided â€œAS ISâ€ with no rights for the sake of knowledge sharing.