SQL Server Performance

Here we go again -FF

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by satya, Jun 29, 2007.

  1. satya Moderator

    Golden Saloon

    A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.

    "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - hell, even the urinal's gold!"

    The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.

    "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
    "Yes it is," bartender answers.
    "Do you have huge golden doors?"
    "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?"
    "Most certainly do."
    "What about golden urinals?"
    There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that p***ed in your saxophone last night!
    Widower Playing Golf

    A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eys, and bows down in prayer. His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
    Grown Up Talk


    It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class. The teacher told the class that each student could tell the class 1 thing they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone 1 thing she got.

    "My daddy got me a Bow-Wow," she said.

    The teacher tells the class that they are old enough to know the correct words for things without using nicknames. The teacher tells the girl to try again. The girl thinks real hard ........

    "My dad got me a dog," she said.
    She sat down and a boy got up and said,
    "I got a choo-choo!"

    The teacher scolded him and told him to try again. The boy thought hard and said,
    "I got an electric train!!"

    That boy sits down and a really shy kid gets up and sadly says,
    "I got a book"
    The teacher feels bad for the kid and she asks,
    "What was the title of the book??"

    The boy thinks very hard. The class waits as the boy is thinking. Finally, the boys face brightened and he said,

    "Winnie The Sh*t!!
    Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
    A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear

    Q. What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?
    A. Tiger Woods had a better driver!


    Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
    A. God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

    Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
    A. Because it's worth it

    .............more to follow
  2. ghemant Moderator

    &lt;&lt;<br />Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and God?<br />A. God doesn't think he's a lawyer.<br />&gt;&gt;<br />LOL <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />MS SQL Server MVP<br />-------------------------<br />"Humans don't have Caliber to PASS TIME , Time it self Pass or Fail Humans" - by Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br /><br /<a target="_blank" href=http://hemantgirisgoswami.blogspot.com>http://hemantgirisgoswami.blogspot.com</a>
  3. FrankKalis Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forum Moderator<a target="_blank" href=http://www.sql-server-performance.com>http://www.sql-server-performance.com</a><br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  4. Madhivanan Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  5. Adriaan New Member

    Winnie the - huh? Well, that's the kind of joke that kids can relate to.[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />]
  6. satya Moderator

    Yeah, but adults can have fun on that [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br /><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Writer, Contributing Editor & Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing. <hr noshade size="1">Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves or we know where we can find information on it.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>

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