SQL Server Performance

How Does The Computer Chicken Cross The Road?

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by FrankKalis, Aug 26, 2005.

  1. FrankKalis Moderator

    NT Chicken:
    Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.

    OS/2 Chicken:
    It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.

    Win 95 Chicken:
    You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook it and it still tastes like ... chicken.

    Microsoft Chicken (TM):
    It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.

    OOP Chicken:
    It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.

    Assembler Chicken:
    First it builds the road ...

    C Chicken:
    It crosses the road without looking both ways.

    C++ Chicken:
    The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on the other side.

    VB Chicken:
    USHighways!TheRoad.cross(aChicken)

    Delphi Chicken:
    The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.

    Java Chicken:
    If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets)

    Web Chicken:
    Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.

    Gopher Chicken:
    Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.

    Newton Chicken:
    Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket!

    Cray Chicken:
    Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.

    Quantum Logic Chicken:
    The chicken is distributed probabalistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your choice.

    Lotus Chicken:
    Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!

    Mac Chicken:
    No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it to.

    Al Gore Chicken:
    Waiting for completion of NCI (Nation Chicken-crossing Infrastructure) and will cross as soon as it's finished, assuming he's re-elected and the Republicans don't gut the program.

    COBOL Chicken:


    0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
    IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
    PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
    VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
    ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
    ELSE
    GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING

    --
    Frank Kalis
    Microsoft SQL Server MVP
    http://www.insidesql.de
    Ich unterstütze PASS Deutschland e.V. http://www.sqlpass.de)
  2. ghemant Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />ghemant@gmail.com<br />"Humans don't have Caliber to PASS TIME , Time it self Pass or Fail Humans" - by Hemant Goswami<br />
  3. Madhivanan Moderator

    very nice Frank


    Madhivanan

    Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  4. dineshasanka Moderator

  5. merrillaldrich New Member

    Here's a controversial one <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br /><br />Vista Chicken:<br /><br />Observe carefully what the Mac OS X chicken is wearing, change clothes, cross.<br /><br />--------------------------<br />Yes, I am a geek. I know. I can't help it.
  6. merrillaldrich New Member

    .NET chicken's crossing is secured, of course, because it's in managed code, so if the chicken is not trusted it will not be allowed to cross. But if it is trusted, then the crossing will first have to be compiled into MCIL (Microsoft Chicken Intermediate Language) which has the advantage of enabling the chicken to theoretically cross any kind of road (country road, highway, freeway, information superhighway; see also Java Chicken) but in fact it's only those roads built out of windows. Which is all of them, right?

    --------------------------
    Yes, I am a geek. I know. I can't help it.
  7. FrankKalis Moderator

    ROTFLMAO [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Ich unterstütze PASS Deutschland e.V. <a target="_blank" href=http://www.sqlpass.de>http://www.sqlpass.de</a>) <br />

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