SQL Server Performance

Humour at its Best...

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by ramkumar.mu, Oct 20, 2006.

  1. ramkumar.mu New Member

    A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells
    her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.


    One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
    Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
    After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY


    Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their
    friends.


    A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best
    Woman.
    Next moment, he had the Aqua Fina and Mother Teresa next to him.
    Moral : BE SPECIFIC


    What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
    It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your
    Friends.



    If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in
    your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in
    your life.


    Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
    Answer : On their MARRIAGE.


    When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you
    from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please
    PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.


    Three FASTEST means of Communication :
    1. Tele-Phone
    2. Tele-Vision
    3. Tell to Woman
    Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.


    Thanks,
    Ram

    "It is easy to write code for a spec and walk in water, provided, both are freezed..."
  2. Madhivanan Moderator

    Is not this something underestimating women?

    Madhivanan

    Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  3. FrankKalis Moderator

    Guess how women talk about men, when they are alone? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Moderator<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  4. ramkumar.mu New Member

    I guess women translate the above thing by replacing all 'men' with 'women' in favour of women [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />] <br /><br />Except the last thing...[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Thanks,<br />Ram<br /><br />"It is easy to write code for a spec and walk in water, provided, both are freezed..."
  5. ranjitjain New Member

    Too good[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]
  6. satya Moderator

    Ram<br />If you are married already or have a girlfriend then make sure she doesn't read this thread...otherwise consequences will be terrible for you [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br /><hr noshade size="1"><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor & Forums Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>
  7. mmarovic Active Member

    quote:
    What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
    It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your
    Friends.
    Well I've heard slightly different version. However, I understand you couldn't post it.
  8. Madhivanan Moderator

    &gt;&gt;If you are married already or have a girlfriend then make sure she doesn't read this thread...otherwise consequences will be terrible for you <br /><br />[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  9. ramkumar.mu New Member

    fortunately i am single...(now how to react for that statement with a smiley?) actually this message was forwarded by one of my (girl)friends... but thanks for that warning satya. unlike other programmers i will take that warning as an error-in-future and marry a girl who by any means doesnt know about SSP or internet if possible [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br /><blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by satya</i><br /><br />Ram<br />If you are married already or have a girlfriend then make sure she doesn't read this thread...otherwise consequences will be terrible for you [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br /><hr noshade size="1"><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor & Forums Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br />Thanks,<br />Ram<br /><br />"It is easy to write code for a spec and walk in water, provided, both are freezed..."
  10. joechang New Member

    i think there may come a day when ram will urgently ask to purge all copies of this post and others
  11. satya Moderator

    Ram<br />Don't forget to send invitation on your marriage...as a token of gift from SSP I will print & laminate this thread for both of you [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />].<br /><br /><hr noshade size="1"><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor & Forums Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>
  12. ramkumar.mu New Member

    Thanks for the warning...[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />] I'll count on that...[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br />Thanks,<br />Ram<br /><br />"It is easy to write code for a spec and walk in water, provided, both are freezed..."
  13. joechang New Member

    for a small exhorbitat fee, satya could be persuaded to miss his flight to your wedding
  14. satya Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]... not a bad idea.<br /><blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by joechang</i><br /><br />for a small exhorbitat fee, satya could be persuaded to miss his flight to your wedding<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
  15. ramkumar.mu New Member

    and how much for refraining him from sending the grand gift???

    Thanks,
    Ram

    "It is easy to write code for a spec and walk in water, provided, both are freezed..."

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