SQL Server Performance

If you love someone...

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by FrankKalis, Sep 22, 2005.

  1. FrankKalis Moderator

    Shakespeare :
    If you love someone,
    Set her free ....
    If she ever comes back, she's yours,
    If she doesn't, here's the poison,
    suicide yourself for her.

    Optimist:
    If you love someone,
    Set her free ....
    Don't worry, she will come back.

    Suspicious:
    If you love someone,
    Set her free ....
    If she ever comes back, ask her why.

    Impatient:
    If you love someone,
    Set her free ....
    If she doesn't comes back within some
    time forget her.

    Patient :
    If you love someone,
    Set her free ....
    If she doesn't come back, continue to
    wait until she comes back.

    Playful:
    If you love someone,
    Set her free ....
    If she comes back, and if you love her
    still, set her free again,
    repeat

    C++ Programmer:
    if(you-love(m_she))
    m_she.free()
    if(m_she == NULL)
    m_she= new CShe;

    Animal-Rights Activist:
    If you love someone,
    Set her free,
    In fact, all living creatures deserve to
    be free!!

    Lawyers :
    If you love someone,
    Set her free,
    Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the
    Second amendment of the
    Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states
    that....

    Bill Gates :
    If you love someone,
    Set her free,
    If she comes back, I think we can charge
    her for re-installation fees
    but tell her that she's also going to get
    an upgrade.

    Biologist:
    If you love someone,
    Set her free,
    She'll evolve.

    Statisticians:
    If you love someone,
    Set her free,
    If she loves you, the probability of her
    coming back is high
    If she doesn't, the Weibull distribution
    and your relation was improbable anyway.

    Salesman:
    If you love someone,
    Set her free ....
    If she ever comes back, deal!
    If she doesn't, so what! "NEXT".

    Schwarzenegger's fans:
    If you love someone,
    Set her free,
    SHE'LL BE BACK!

    Insurance agent:
    If you love someone,
    Show her the plan ....
    If she ever comes back, sign her up,
    If she doesn't, keep follow up with her
    and never give up!

    Mathematician:
    If you love someone,
    Set her free ....
    If she ever comes back, 1 + 1 = 2
    (peanut!),
    If she doesn't, Y = 2X - log(0.46Y^2 +
    (cos(52/34X)) x 5Y^(- 0.5)c)
    where c is the infinite constant of no
    turning point.

    Physician:
    If you love someone,
    Set her free ....
    If she ever comes back, it's the law of gravity,
    If she doesn't, either there's friction
    higher than the force or the angle
    of collision between two objects did not
    synchronize at the right angle.

    Nowadays' style :
    If You Love Someone,
    Set it free,
    If It Comes Back, It is Yours
    If It Doesn't, Hunt it Down and Kill It...!!!

    OR PERHAPS REPORT TO IMMIGRATION THAT SHE/HE IS AN ILLEGAL

    If you love someone
    WHY IN THE FIRST PLACE SET HER FREE??? CARELESS IDIOT!!!


    --
    Frank Kalis
    Microsoft SQL Server MVP
    http://www.insidesql.de
    Ich unterstütze PASS Deutschland e.V. http://www.sqlpass.de)
  2. Madhivanan Moderator

    &gt;&gt;WHY IN THE FIRST PLACE SET HER FREE??? CARELESS IDIOT!!!<br /><br />I like it [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />How about this?<br /><pre id="code"><font face="courier" size="2" id="code"><br />If You Love Someone<br /><br />Begin<br />Set it free,<br />Begin Transaction<br /><br />If It Comes Back<br />Begin<br /> It is Yours <br /> Commit Transaction<br />end<br />else<br />RollBack Transaction<br /><br />end</font id="code"></pre id="code"><br />[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />] <br /><br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail

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