SQL Server Performance

Jokes...

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by ramkumar.mu, Oct 25, 2006.

  1. ramkumar.mu New Member

    Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
    field"
    Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
    Teacher : How?
    Student : Ladies first.

    1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
    2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
    1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions

    As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
    Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
    "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

    "It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
    -------------------------------------------

    The average man's life consists of:

    Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,

    Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;

    And at the end, the mourners wondering too.
    --------------------------------------------------------

    A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If
    you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill
    you."

    The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
    astonished.

    He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.

    Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
    step a car will run over you, and you will die."

    The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around
    the corner, barely missing him.

    The man asked. "Who are you?"

    "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

    "Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got
    married?"

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
    father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom.

    They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her
    father and placed some thing in his hand.

    Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by
    bride.
    The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him
    to divulge the secret and say something.

    So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my
    life."

    Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued,
    "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."

    The whole audience including priest started laughing but not the poor
    groom.


    ---------------------------------------------------------


    One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all living creatures on Earth to die. To sort things out, everyone went to heaven. God came and said, "I want the men to form two lines. One line for the men who ruled their women on Earth and the other line
    for the men who were ruled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

    With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines. The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1,000 miles long, and in
    the line of men who ruled their women, there was only one man. God became angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" The man replied, "I don't know, my wife asked me to stand here."


    Please Note:
    These jokes are just intended for making people laugh and not to hurt any one...


    Thanks,
    Ram

    "It is easy to write code for a spec and walk in water, provided, both are freezed..."
  2. ranjitjain New Member

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br />We can consider today as Friday[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]
  3. FrankKalis Moderator

    Hm, I think, we should limit these off-topic postings to Friday. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Moderator<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  4. Madhivanan Moderator

    ROTFL [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  5. satya Moderator

    Guys
    Can we keep the Lighter side postings on Fridays only (as we do follow), nothing to be strict but it helps to keepup the forums.

    Satya SKJ
    Microsoft SQL Server MVP
    Contributing Editor & Forums Moderator
    http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com
    This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of knowledge sharing.
  6. ramkumar.mu New Member

    what is ROTFL?

    Thanks,
    Ram

    "It is easy to write code for a spec and walk in water, provided, both are freezed..."
  7. FrankKalis Moderator

    http://www.acronymfinder.com/af-query.asp?Acronym=rotfl&string=exact

    --
    Frank Kalis
    Moderator
    Microsoft SQL Server MVP
    Webmaster:http://www.insidesql.de
  8. anilsingh1981 New Member

    I feel great and think it must be friday
  9. thomas New Member

    quote:Originally posted by satya

    Guys
    Can we keep the Lighter side postings on Fridays only (as we do follow), nothing to be strict but it helps to keepup the forums.

    Satya SKJ

    WHAT? Sometimes I need a laugh on Monday most of all?! I think every day of the working week needs a lighter side.
  10. satya Moderator

    Well I'm not saying no to fun on other days, but you know sometimes we need to get on real things than fun.

    Satya SKJ
    Microsoft SQL Server MVP
    Contributing Editor & Forums Moderator
    http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com
    This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of knowledge sharing.

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