SQL Server Performance

Smart Men/Women

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by joechang, Jun 11, 2007.

  1. joechang New Member

    ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
    Smart man + Smart woman = romance
    Smart man + Dumb woman = affair
    Dumb man + Smart woman = marriage
    Dumb man + Dumb woman = pregnancy

    OFFICE ARITHMETIC
    Smart boss + Smart employee = profit
    Smart boss + Dumb employee = production
    Dumb boss + Smart employee = promotion
    Dumb boss + Dumb employee = overtime

    SHOPPING MATH
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

    GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    HAPPINESS
    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
    To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
    her at all.

    LONGEVITY
    Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
    willing to die.

    PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

    DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
    Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

    SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT
  2. Madhivanan Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  3. FrankKalis Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forum Moderator<a target="_blank" href=http://www.sql-server-performance.com>http://www.sql-server-performance.com</a><br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  4. satya Moderator

    Sounds like early friday fro Joe [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />] LOL.<br /><br /><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Writer, Contributing Editor & Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing. <hr noshade size="1">Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves or we know where we can find information on it.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>
  5. Luis Martin Moderator

    And what is you formula[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]?<br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">All in Love is Fair <br />Stevie Wonder<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br />
  6. thomas New Member

    I originally heard this one as

    A woman marries a man hoping he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman hoping that she won't change, and she does.

    It's very true.
  7. satya Moderator

    To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand <br />her at all. <br />[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Luis Martin</i><br /><br />And what is you formula[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]?<br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">All in Love is Fair <br />Stevie Wonder<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
  8. dineshasanka Moderator

    what ever said we all cannot live wihtout a women can we

    ----------------------------------------
    Contributing Editor, Writer & Forums Moderator
    http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com

    Visit my Blog at
    http://dineshasanka.spaces.live.com/
  9. DilliGrg Member

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by dineshasanka</i><br /><br />what ever said we all cannot live wihtout a women can we<br /><br />----------------------------------------<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forums Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><br />Visit my Blog at<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://dineshasanka.spaces.live.com/>http://dineshasanka.spaces.live.com/</a><br /><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br />True!!! Unless he is gay. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br /><pre id="code"><font face="courier" size="2" id="code"><br /><br />Name<br />--------- <br />Dilli Grg <br /><br />(1 row(s) affected)<br /></font id="code"></pre id="code">

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