SQL Server Performance

T G I F - F F time

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by satya, May 18, 2007.

  1. satya Moderator

    <i>Please note this is NOT directed to anyone in particular, any resemblance to this joke is purely coincidental & fun sake</i>[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<hr noshade size="1"><br /><br /><b>United Nations Survey</b><br /><br />Last month, a world survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world." The survey was a huge failure...<br /><br />In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. <br /><br />In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. <br /><br />In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. <br /><br />In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. <br /><br />In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. <br /><br />In South America they didn't know what "please" meant, and <br /><br />In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. <br /><br /><hr noshade size="1"><br /><b>Ze Langadzh of ze Urop</b><br /><br />The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".<br /><br />In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.<br /><br />There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter.<br /><br />In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.<br /><br />By the 4th yer peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th'with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to oza kombinations of letas.<br /><br />After ziz fifz yer ve vil have a rali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu anderstand ech oza. Ze drem of an united Urop vil finali kum tru!<br />
  2. FrankKalis Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Moderator<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  3. ghemant Moderator

    <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br /><br />Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />MS SQL Server MVP<br />-------------------------<br />"Humans don't have Caliber to PASS TIME , Time it self Pass or Fail Humans" - by Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br /><br /<a target="_blank" href=http://hemantgirisgoswami.blogspot.com>http://hemantgirisgoswami.blogspot.com</a>
  4. Madhivanan Moderator

    Satya, where do you get all these informations? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  5. satya Moderator

    Thats the trade secret [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />], have you ever heard of Internet [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />].<br /><br /><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Writer, Contributing Editor & Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing. <hr noshade size="1">Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves or we know where we can find information on it.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>

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