SQL Server Performance

Tech. support jokes!

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by ranjitjain, Jul 11, 2005.

  1. ranjitjain New Member

    This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article: <br /><br />Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is!! [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />A AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies. <br /><br />A Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key. <br /><br />A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally. <br /><br />A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer - but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br />An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse. <br /><br />Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit,plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?" [:I]<br /><br />Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realised that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first! [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />]<br /><br />And, finally, ... <br /><br />True story from a Novell Net Wire SysOp <br />Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"<br />Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" <br />Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" <br />Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" <br />Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."<br />Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped. It's because I am, Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"<br />Caller: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."<br /><br />At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive![<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />
  2. ghemant Moderator

    Nice Jokes [:I][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />hsGoswami<br />ghemant@gmail.com
  3. satya Moderator

    An old joke to have a laugh and I think it was repeated here....a while ago.

    Satya SKJ
    This posting is provided “AS IS” with no rights for the sake of knowledge sharing.
  4. ranjitjain New Member

    quote:Originally posted by satya

    An old joke to have a laugh and I think it was repeated here....a while ago.

    Satya SKJ
    This posting is provided ?AS IS? with no rights for the sake of knowledge sharing.
    i regret for that forced laugh. i din't knew that its a repeat.[:0]
  5. dineshasanka Moderator

    I had personal experience like above

    While I was working as an implementation officer I got a call from a customer.
    After a while I wanted her to get out of the system.
    I told her "Exit from there"
    suddenly phone get disconnected
    I called her again, she was outof the office as I asked her to exit from there
  6. FrankKalis Moderator

    Yeah, sometimes even Dilbert can't keep up with reality. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Ich unterstütze PASS Deutschland e.V. <a target="_blank" href=http://www.sqlpass.de>http://www.sqlpass.de</a>) <br />
  7. Madhivanan Moderator

    When I told my customer to restart the system, he simply switched off the monitor and on it again<br />[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail

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