SQL Server Performance

TGIF fun

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by satya, Aug 18, 2006.

  1. satya Moderator

    Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
    The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

    An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

    Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh

    one evening, tom stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot. so he thought he'd give a hoot back. to his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. the next night the same scenario occured again.

    all summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. he even kept a log of these "conversations." just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.

    "my husband spends his nights calling to owls," she said.

    "that's odd" the neighbor replied, "so does my husband."
    Dilbert's Salary Theorem
    Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as executives and sales people."
    This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical derivation based on the following two postulates:
    Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
    Postulate 2: Time is Money
    As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
    Since:
    Knowledge = Power
    Time = Money
    Knowledge = Work / Money
    Solving for Money we get:
    Money = Work / Knowledge.
    Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
    Conclusion:
    The less you know, the more you make.

    A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
    Mother: "What does the cow say?"
    Child: "Moo!"
    Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
    Child: "Meow."
    Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"

    And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."


    I like this quotation
    quote:
    "Be more concerned with your character, because your character is what
    you really are; your reputation is merely what others think you are."
  2. ranjitjain New Member

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]
  3. FrankKalis Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><br />quote:<br />--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />"Be more concerned with your character, because your character is what<br />you really are; your reputation is merely what others think you are." <br />--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />I really like this one. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Moderator<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  4. Luis Martin Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">All in Love is Fair <br />Stevie Wonder<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br />
  5. Madhivanan Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  6. Haywood New Member

    What do you call a boomerang that never returns?<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />A stick! <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />
  7. ghemant Moderator

    LOL <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br /><br />Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />ghemant@gmail.com<br />"Humans don't have Caliber to PASS TIME , Time it self Pass or Fail Humans" - by Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />------------------------<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://hemantgirisgoswami.blogspot.com>http://hemantgirisgoswami.blogspot.com</a>
  8. FrankKalis Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Haywood</i><br /><br />What do you call a boomerang that never returns?<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />....<br />A stick! <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br />S<br /><br />p<br /><br />o<br /><br />i<br /><br />l<br /><br />e<br /><br />r<br /><br /><br />[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Moderator<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>

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