Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh one evening, tom stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot. so he thought he'd give a hoot back. to his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. the next night the same scenario occured again. all summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. he even kept a log of these "conversations." just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "my husband spends his nights calling to owls," she said. "that's odd" the neighbor replied, "so does my husband." Dilbert's Salary Theorem Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as executives and sales people." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical derivation based on the following two postulates: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time Since: Knowledge = Power Time = Money Knowledge = Work / Money Solving for Money we get: Money = Work / Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done. Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make. A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud." I like this quotation quote: "Be more concerned with your character, because your character is what you really are; your reputation is merely what others think you are."