SQL Server Performance

The Guys' Rules

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by ramkumar.mu, Oct 20, 2006.

  1. ramkumar.mu New Member


    The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

    Now here are the rules from the male side.
    Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
    ON PURPOSE!



    1. Men are NOT mind readers.


    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1 If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.



    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.



    Thanks,
    Ram

    "It is easy to write code for a spec and walk in water, provided, both are freezed..."
  2. Madhivanan Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  3. FrankKalis Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Moderator<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  4. ranjitjain New Member

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]
  5. mmarovic Active Member

    Hilarious, I really, really like it. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]
  6. joechang New Member

    on the matter of hints,
    men have a highly sophisticated audio filter,
    that not only removes unwanted frequencies,
    but can also filter based on the subject being discussed

    so if it is an important matter,
    a good whack on the head is usually sufficient to temporarily disable said filter
  7. ramkumar.mu New Member

    Sounds to me like joe might be the author for that GUYS' Rules handbook [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Thanks,<br />Ram<br /><br />"It is easy to write code for a spec and walk in water, provided, both are freezed..."
  8. joechang New Member

    lets just say i know something about filters
  9. satya Moderator

    It is useful when your wife or girlfriend starts complaining.... [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by joechang</i><br /><br />on the matter of hints,<br />men have a highly sophisticated audio filter, <br />that not only removes unwanted frequencies,<br />but can also filter based on the subject being discussed<br /><br />so if it is an important matter, <br />a good whack on the head is usually sufficient to temporarily disable said filter<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
  10. Roji. P. Thomas New Member

    My favorite is point No. 1 [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />Roji. P. Thomas<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://toponewithties.blogspot.com>http://toponewithties.blogspot.com</a><br />
  11. ramkumar.mu New Member

    Just like me [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Thanks,<br />Ram<br /><br />"It is easy to write code for a spec and walk in water, provided, both are freezed..."
  12. joechang New Member

    just remember that it is not that women are illogical
    it that you fail to understand the subleties of their logical,
    also remember to never point out any inconsistencies in your wife/gf's logic

    there are two possible outcomes in an argument with your wife
    1. you lose
    2. you don't win

    chose the better of the two
  13. Haywood New Member

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by joechang</i><br /><br />just remember that it is not that women are illogical<br />it that you fail to understand the subleties of their logical, <br />also remember to never point out any inconsistencies in your wife/gf's logic<br /><br />there are two possible outcomes in an argument with your wife<br />1. you lose<br />2. you don't win<br /><br />chose the better of the two<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br /><br />Just like there are no winners in a divorce, only various degrees of losing. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]
  14. Roji. P. Thomas New Member

    quote:Originally posted by joechang


    there are two possible outcomes in an argument with your wife
    1. you lose
    2. you don't win

    chose the better of the two
    In any argument, the women has the last word. Anything you say after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    Roji. P. Thomas
    http://toponewithties.blogspot.com
  15. FrankKalis Moderator

    LOL. Sounds like women are pretty much the same around the world. Good to see you guy make the same experiences. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Moderator<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>

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