SQL Server Performance

Why not have fun on 2005 year's last friday

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by satya, Dec 30, 2005.

  1. satya Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Collected from various web sources<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br />A young man at a New Year#%92s party turns to his friend and asks for a cigarette.<br />'I thought you made a New Year#%92s resolution to quit smoking,' his friend says.<br />'I'm in the process of quitting,' the man says. <br />'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'<br />'What's phase one?' <br />'I've quit buying.'<br /><hr noshade size="1"><br /><br /><i>Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year and yet you never keep them?</i> <b>Here are some resolutions that you can actually accomplish!</b>[8D]<br />10. Read less. <br />9. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. <br />8. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. <br />7. Procrastinate more. <br />6. Drink. Drink some more. <br />5. Start being superstitious. <br />4. Spend more time at work. <br />3. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.<br />2. Take up a new habit: maybe smoking!<br />and last but not least...<br />1. Do not resolve any resolution!<br /><hr noshade size="1"><br /><br /><b>Why Dogs are Better than Humans!</b><br />10. Dogs love it when your friends come over.<br />9. The later you are, the more excited a dog is to see you.<br />8. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.<br />7. Anyone can get a good looking dog.<br />6. Dogs don't care if you haven't taken a shower in days.<br />5. Dogs never need to examine the relationship.<br />4. Dogs think every meal you cook is just perfect.<br />3. Dogs don't keep wearing your favorite clothes on the nights you need them.<br />2. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you've had.<br />1. Dogs even find you amusing when you're drunk!<br /><hr noshade size="1"><br />This one is a long-winded one to have fun on IT.<br /><br />Three things are certain:<br />Death, taxes, and lost data.<br />Guess which has occurred.<br /><br />Everything is gone;<br />Your life's work has been destroyed.<br />Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?<br /><br />Windows NT crashed.<br />I am the Blue Screen of Death.<br />No one hears your screams.<br /><br />Seeing my great fault<br />Through darkening blue windows<br />I begin again<br /><br />The code was willing,<br />It considered your request,<br />But the chips were weak.<br /><br />Printer not ready.<br />Could be a fatal error.<br />Have a pen handy?<br /><br />A file that big?<br />It might be very useful.<br />But now it is gone.<br /><br />Errors have occurred.<br />We won't tell you where or why.<br />Lazy programmers.<br /><br />Server's poor response<br />Not quick enough for browser.<br />Timed out, plum blossom.<br /><br />Chaos reigns within.<br />Reflect, repent, and reboot.<br />Order shall return.<br /><br />Login incorrect.<br />Only perfect spellers may<br />enter this system.<br /><br />This site has been moved.<br />We'd tell you where, but then we'd<br />have to delete you.<br /><br />wind catches lily<br />scatt'ring petals to the wind:<br />segmentation fault<br /><br />ABORTED effort:<br />Save and close all that you have.<br />You ask way too much.<br /><br />First snow, then silence.<br />This thousand dollar screen dies<br />so beautifully.<br /><br />With searching comes loss<br />and the presence of absence:<br />"My Novel" not found.<br /><br />The Tao that is seen<br />Is not the true Tao, until<br />You bring fresh toner.<br /><br />The Web site you seek<br />cannot be located but<br />endless others exist<br /><br />Stay the patient course<br />Of little worth is your ire<br />The network is down<br /><br />A crash reduces<br />your expensive computer<br />to a simple stone.<br /><br />There is a chasm<br />of carbon and silicon<br />the software can't bridge<br /><br />Yesterday it worked<br />Today it is not working<br />Windows is like that<br /><br />To have no errors<br />Would be life without meaning<br />No struggle, no joy<br /><br />You step in the stream,<br />but the water has moved on.<br />This page is not here.<br /><br />No keyboard present<br />Hit F1 to continue<br />Zen engineering?<br /><br />Out of memory.<br />We wish to hold the whole sky,<br />But we never will.<br /><br />Having been erased,<br />The document you're seeking<br />Must now be retyped.<br /><br />The ten thousand things<br />How long do any persist?<br />Netscape, too, has gone.<br /><br />Rather than a beep<br />Or a rude error message,<br />These words: "File not found."<br /><br />Serious error.<br />All shortcuts have disappeared<br />Screen. Mind. Both are blank.<br /><hr noshade size="1"><br />A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"<br /><br />The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"<br /><br />The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."<br /><hr noshade size="1"><br />Few good sayings to start the new year:<br /><font color="navy"><font face="Georgia"><br />Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.<br />The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.<br />* Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.<br />* Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.<br />* Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.</font id="Georgia"></font id="navy"><br /><br /><hr noshade size="1"><br />Have fun and have a bashful newyear party.... god bless you all.[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]
  2. FrankKalis Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Heute schon gebloggt?<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de/blogs>http://www.insidesql.de/blogs</a><br />
  3. ranjitjain New Member

    Good one[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]
  4. Madhivanan Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />] [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  5. ghemant Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />ghemant@gmail.com<br />"Humans don't have Caliber to PASS TIME , Time it self Pass or Fail Humans" - by Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />
  6. dineshasanka Moderator

  7. Luis Martin Moderator

    A long but very nice post[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />].<br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">Although nature commences with reason and ends in experience it is necessary for us to do the opposite, that is to commence with experience and from this to proceed to investigate the reason.<br />Leonardo Da Vinci<br /></font id="size1"><br /><font size="1"> Nunca esperes el reconocimiento de tus hijos, eso ocurrirá luego de tu muerte<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br />
  8. satya Moderator

    <i>A long but .....</i><br />That is the magic of Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V [8D][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br /><hr noshade size="1"><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Contributing Editor & Forums Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided “AS IS” with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>
  9. Luis Martin Moderator

    Do you have Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V to copy and paste into my head?[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">Although nature commences with reason and ends in experience it is necessary for us to do the opposite, that is to commence with experience and from this to proceed to investigate the reason.<br />Leonardo Da Vinci<br /></font id="size1"><br /><font size="1"> Nunca esperes el reconocimiento de tus hijos, eso ocurrirá luego de tu muerte<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br />
  10. satya Moderator

    Is possible if we have a potential bandwidth to transfer [:0].

    Satya SKJ
    Contributing Editor & Forums Moderator
    http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com
    This posting is provided “AS IS” with no rights for the sake of knowledge sharing.
  11. Luis Martin Moderator

    My wife said that my most dangerous part of my body is my head (because is big). So there is a potencial bandwidth[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-3.gif' alt=':eek:' />)].<br /><br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">Although nature commences with reason and ends in experience it is necessary for us to do the opposite, that is to commence with experience and from this to proceed to investigate the reason.<br />Leonardo Da Vinci<br /></font id="size1"><br /><font size="1"> Nunca esperes el reconocimiento de tus hijos, eso ocurrirá luego de tu muerte<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br />

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