SQL Server Performance

wondering why call center people are paid much

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by dineshasanka, Aug 28, 2005.

  1. dineshasanka Moderator

    Still wondering why call center people get paid so much (..........)<br />for just being on the phone, take a look and you will get the answers: <br /><br />Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."<br />Customer: "Ok."<br />Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"<br />Customer: "No."<br />Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" <br />Customer: "No."<br />Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until<br />this point?"<br />Customer: "Sure, you told m e to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."<br /><br /><br />-------------------------------------------------- <br /><br />Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still<br />getting the same error message."<br />Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"<br />Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" <br /><br />--------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."<br />Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."<br />Customer: "I typed 'A<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-7.gif' alt=':S' />ETUP'." <br />Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."<br />Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."<br />Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."<br />Customer: "What?"<br />Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"<br />Customer: "No..."<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?" <br />Tech Support: ?!%#$<br /><br />--------------------------- --- --------------------<br /><br />Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you<br />see the 'OK' button displayed?"<br />Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" <br /><br />--------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"<br />Customer: "A white one."<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------- <br /><br />Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."<br />Customer: "How do you spell that?"<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?" <br />Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery<br />store."<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?" <br />Customer: "Pentium."<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print<br />document, but the computer won't boot properly." <br />Tech Support: "What does it say?"<br />Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."<br />Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"<br />Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." <br /><br />--------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24<br />hours."<br />Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------- <br /><br />Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"<br />Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."<br />Tech Support: "Well?"<br />Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------- <br /><br />A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his <br />computer is faulty.<br />Tech: What's the problem?<br />User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.<br />Tech: You'll need a new power supply. <br />User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.<br />Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.<br />User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup<br />and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. <br />10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech<br />is frustrated and fed up.<br />Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there<br />is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. <br />User: I knew it!<br />Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.<br />Let me know how it goes.<br />10 minutes later.<br />User: It didn't wor k. The power supply is still smoking.<br />Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?<br />User: MS-DOS 6.22.<br />Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with<br />NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you<br />the file.<br />Let me know how it goes.<br />1 hour later.<br />User: I need a new power supply. <br />Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?<br />User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he<br />started asking questions about the make of power supply.<br />Tech: Then what did he say?<br />User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE. <br /><br />-------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Customer Care Officer: "I need a product identification no. right now<br />and may I help u in finding it out?"<br />Customer: "Sure"<br />CCO: "Could u left click on start and find 'MyComputer'?" <br />Customer: "I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?"
  2. ghemant Moderator

    LOL [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />ghemant@gmail.com<br />"Humans don't have Caliber to PASS TIME , Time it self Pass or Fail Humans" - by Hemant Goswami<br />
  3. ranjitjain New Member

    Dinesh even i'm wondering now.
    I really liked the nosmoke.com version.
  4. FrankKalis Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Ich unterstütze PASS Deutschland e.V. <a target="_blank" href=http://www.sqlpass.de>http://www.sqlpass.de</a>) <br />
  5. Madhivanan Moderator

    very funny


    Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  6. deepakontheweb New Member

    LOL... <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br /><br />Deepak Kumar<br /><br />--An eye for an eye and everyone shall be blind
  7. Akthar New Member

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />AKTHAR DILMOHAMUD<br />65 BENARES ST<br />PORT LOUIS<br />MAURITIUS

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