SQL Server Performance

Corporate Lessons

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by benwilson, Sep 1, 2005.

  1. benwilson New Member

    CORPORATE LESSONS


    Corporate Lesson 1:

    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
    shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
    towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
    the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give
    you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman
    drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds,
    Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the
    towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her
    husband asks, "Who was that?"
    "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
    "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes
    me?"

    Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
    credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
    position to prevent avoidable exposure.



    Corporate Lesson 2:

    A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs,
    forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
    After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The
    nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
    But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun
    once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized
    "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun
    went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
    look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will
    find glory."

    Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
    miss a great opportunity.



    Corporate Lesson 3:

    A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
    lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
    out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first!
    Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving
    a speedboat, without a care in the world" Poof! She's gone. "Me next!
    Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the
    beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
    the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says
    to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office
    after lunch."

    Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.



    Corporate Lesson 4:

    A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked
    him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow
    answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
    crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

    Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
    sitting very high up.



    Corporate Lesson 5:

    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to Get to
    the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,but I haven't got the energy."
    "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
    "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung
    and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch
    of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
    second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly
    perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who
    shot the turkey out of the tree.

    Moral of the story: Bullshlt might get you to the top, but it won't
    keep you there.


    'I reject your reality and substitute my own' - Adam Savage
  2. ghemant Moderator

    Nice [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />Hemantgiri S. Goswami<br />ghemant@gmail.com<br />"Humans don't have Caliber to PASS TIME , Time it self Pass or Fail Humans" - by Hemant Goswami<br />
  3. Madhivanan Moderator

    Cool [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  4. FrankKalis Moderator

    Brilliant. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br />Ich unterstütze PASS Deutschland e.V. <a target="_blank" href=http://www.sqlpass.de>http://www.sqlpass.de</a>) <br />
  5. ranjitjain New Member

    Good Lessons to keep in mind[8D][8D]

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