SQL Server Performance

FAMOUS DETECTIVE CHEN LEE!

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by DilliGrg, May 25, 2007.

  1. DilliGrg Member


    A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous
    Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he
    was gone. A few days later he received this report:

    MOST HONORABLE SIR:
    YOU LEAVE HOUSE, I WATCH HOUSE. HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH. HE AND SHE
    LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW. HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW.
    HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE. HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE. HE PLAY WITH SHE.
    SHE PLAY WITH HE. I PLAY WITH ME.... I FALL OFF TREE. I NO SEE.

    NO FEE,
    CHEN LEE.





    Name
    ---------
    Dilli Grg

    (1 row(s) affected)

  2. FrankKalis Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forum Moderator<a target="_blank" href=http://www.sql-server-performance.com>http://www.sql-server-performance.com</a><br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  3. Luis Martin Moderator

    Well, I don't write better than him[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]!!<br /><br />Luis Martin<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br /><font size="1">All in Love is Fair <br />Stevie Wonder<br /></font id="size1"><br /><br /><font size="1">All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.</font id="size1"><br /><br /><br /><br />
  4. khtan New Member

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><br />MOST HONORABLE SIR:<br />YOU LEAVE HOUSE, I <b><font color="red">SEE</font id="red"></b> HOUSE. HE COME TO HOUSE. I <b><font color="red">SEE</font id="red"></b>. HE AND SHE<br />LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW. HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE. I <b><font color="red">SEE</font id="red"></b> IN WINDOW.<br />HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE. HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE. HE PLAY WITH SHE.<br />SHE PLAY WITH HE. I PLAY WITH ME.... I FALL OFF TREE. I NO SEE.<br /><br />NO FEE,<br />CHEN LEE.<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br />slight modification to make it sound better [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br /><hr noshade size="1"><br /><font color="blue"><font size="1"><i>KH</i></font id="size1"></font id="blue">
  5. Bredsox New Member

    <br />Excellent detective work![<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]
  6. ndinakar Member

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />] that was funny..<br /><br />***********************<br />Dinakar Nethi<br />SQL Server MVP<br />***********************<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/dinakar/>http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/dinakar/</a>
  7. DilliGrg Member

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by khtan</i><br /><br /><blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><br />MOST HONORABLE SIR:<br />YOU LEAVE HOUSE, I <b><font color="red">SEE</font id="red"></b> HOUSE. HE COME TO HOUSE. I <b><font color="red">SEE</font id="red"></b>. HE AND SHE<br />LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW. HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE. I <b><font color="red">SEE</font id="red"></b> IN WINDOW.<br />HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE. HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE. HE PLAY WITH SHE.<br />SHE PLAY WITH HE. I PLAY WITH ME.... I FALL OFF TREE. I NO SEE.<br /><br />NO FEE,<br />CHEN LEE.<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br />slight modification to make it sound better [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br /><hr noshade size="1"><br /><font color="blue"><font size="1"><i>KH</i></font id="size1"></font id="blue"><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br /><br />I can't alter the original detective report. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br /><pre id="code"><font face="courier" size="2" id="code"><br /><br />Name<br />--------- <br />Dilli Grg <br /><br />(1 row(s) affected)<br /></font id="code"></pre id="code">
  8. Madhivanan Moderator

    ROTFL [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  9. satya Moderator

    Looks like early friday on wednesday,... LOL Dilli [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />], most hilarious one.... that brings Santa & Banta singh jokes <hr noshade size="1"><br />Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE."<br /><br />Santa Singh very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa (good bye mum of 4 children)' . One day his wife fed up of this answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap' (bye bye father of 2 children). That ended the husband's witticisms.<br /><br />Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"<br /><br /><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Writer, Contributing Editor & Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing. <hr noshade size="1">Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves or we know where we can find information on it.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>
  10. DilliGrg Member

    <br />LOL Satya ...[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />], they're good ones. Should I assume that Santa & Banta singh are Sardar Ji...[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br /><pre id="code"><font face="courier" size="2" id="code"><br /><br />Name<br />--------- <br />Dilli Grg <br /><br />(1 row(s) affected)<br /></font id="code"></pre id="code">
  11. Madhivanan Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by DilliGrg</i><br /><br /><br />LOL Satya ...[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />], they're good ones. Should I assume that Santa & Banta singh are Sardar Ji...[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br /><pre id="code"><font face="courier" size="2" id="code"><br /><br />Name<br />--------- <br />Dilli Grg <br /><br />(1 row(s) affected)<br /></font id="code"></pre id="code"><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />Yes you should [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  12. satya Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />] yes they are and you have a seperate website on that name.. most hilarious ones on Jokes part.<br /><br /><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Writer, Contributing Editor & Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing. <hr noshade size="1">Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves or we know where we can find information on it.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>
  13. DilliGrg Member

    <br />[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />] We used to crack a lot of jokes about Sardar Ji.<br /><br /><pre id="code"><font face="courier" size="2" id="code"><br /><br />Name<br />--------- <br />Dilli Grg <br /><br />(1 row(s) affected)<br /></font id="code"></pre id="code">
  14. FrankKalis Moderator

    Indian humour. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forum Moderator<a target="_blank" href=http://www.sql-server-performance.com>http://www.sql-server-performance.com</a><br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  15. Madhivanan Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by FrankKalis</i><br /><br />Indian humour. [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forum Moderator<a target="_blank" href=http://www.sql-server-performance.com>http://www.sql-server-performance.com</a><br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />Yes it is [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail

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