SQL Server Performance

Friday Funnies .... after a long time

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by satya, May 1, 2009.

  1. satya Moderator

    Few funnies to cheer you up (source: google)
    • If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE.
      • If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes.
        • If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
          • If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.
            • If you look forward to the holidays only to put together the kids' toys.
              • If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
                • If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.
                  • If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment.
                    • If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is.
                      • If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.
                        • If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
                          • If you own 'Official Star Trek' anything.
                            • If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.
                              • If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor.
                                • If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
                                  • If you truly believe aliens are living among us.
                                    • If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
                                      • If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.
                                        • If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
                                          • If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
                                            • If you have more toys than your kids.
                                              • If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name.
                                                • If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
                                                  • If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight.
                                                    • If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work, and you rush up to the front to fix it.
                                                      • If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary.
                                                        • If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel, and have seen most of the shows already
                                                          • If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.
                                                            • If people groan at the party when you pick out the music.
                                                              • If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week.
                                                                • If you did the sound system for your senior prom.
                                                                  • If your checkbook always balances.
                                                                    • If your wrist watch has more buttons than a telephone.
                                                                      • If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
                                                                        • If you thought the real heroes of Apollo 13 were the mission controllers.
                                                                          • If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
                                                                            • If you spend more on your home computer than your car.
                                                                              • If you know what http:/ stands for.
                                                                                • If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.
                                                                                  • If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate (or Chinese, pizza, beer, etc).
                                                                                    • If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail.
                                                                                      • If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage.
  2. Luis Martin Moderator

    After some math:
    1/2 Engineer + 1/2 Geek = DBA. [:D]
  3. FrankKalis Moderator

  4. Madhivanan Moderator

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