SQL Server Performance

Interview - fun side

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by satya, Jun 22, 2007.

  1. satya Moderator

    Got this from chain email [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />] [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<hr noshade size="1"><br />Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.<br />Candidate: I am Kondesh Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.<br /><br />Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!<br />Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it. What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly in 12th. I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I cannot invest so much of money". (The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.<br /><br />Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.<br />Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know , these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments..It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.<br /><br />Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.<br />Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.<br /><br />Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.<br />Candidate: No, no.. I am talking about Exams!!<br /><br />Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?<br />Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when I flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative ..<br /><br />Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?<br />Candidate: He he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!<br /><br />Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?<br />Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)<br /><br />Interviewer: And which languages have you used?<br />Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.<br /><br />Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?<br />Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!<br /><br />Interviewer : Do you know anything about Assembly Language?<br />Candidate : Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.<br /><br />Interviewer: What is your general project experience?<br />Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they are in pipeline!<br /><br />Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?<br />Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.<br /><br />Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?<br />Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers', 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM', 'quality', 'versioncontrol', 'deadlines', 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!<br /><br />Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?<br />Candidate: Not much.<br />1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.<br />2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.<br />3. I believe in flexi-timings.<br />4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.<br />5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.<br />6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe . But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007,I don't mind going there in that period . As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?<br /><br />Interviewer: He he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />) We look forward to working with you .. welcome to Infosys <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br />
  2. FrankKalis Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forum Moderator<a target="_blank" href=http://www.sql-server-performance.com>http://www.sql-server-performance.com</a><br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  3. Madhivanan Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  4. DilliGrg Member

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by satya</i><br /><br /><br />Interviewer: He he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />) We look forward to working with you .. welcome to Infosys <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br /><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br />Infosys? Hillarious.[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br /><br /><pre id="code"><font face="courier" size="2" id="code"><br /><br />Name<br />--------- <br />Dilli Grg <br /><br />(1 row(s) affected)<br /></font id="code"></pre id="code">
  5. FrankKalis Moderator

    You work for that company? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forum Moderator<a target="_blank" href=http://www.sql-server-performance.com>http://www.sql-server-performance.com</a><br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  6. DilliGrg Member

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by FrankKalis</i><br /><br />You work for that company? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forum Moderator<a target="_blank" href=http://www.sql-server-performance.com>http://www.sql-server-performance.com</a><br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br />NO.[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />] Even if I did, there is no shame on that. They have more than 72,000 employees worldwide.<br /><br /><pre id="code"><font face="courier" size="2" id="code"><br /><br />Name<br />--------- <br />Dilli Grg <br /><br />(1 row(s) affected)<br /></font id="code"></pre id="code">
  7. MohammedU New Member

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by FrankKalis</i><br /><br />You work for that company? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forum Moderator<a target="_blank" href=http://www.sql-server-performance.com>http://www.sql-server-performance.com</a><br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br />As per the survey one of the top most best company to work in India...<br />I don't work for this company... [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.consultant-news.com/article_display.aspx?p=adp&id=3216>http://www.consultant-news.com/article_display.aspx?p=adp&id=3216</a><br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.indiaprwire.com/pressrelease/other/20061109991.htm>http://www.indiaprwire.com/pressrelease/other/20061109991.htm</a><br /><br /><br />MohammedU.<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br />All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.<br />
  8. FrankKalis Moderator

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />]<br /><br />--<br />Frank Kalis<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forum Moderator<a target="_blank" href=http://www.sql-server-performance.com>http://www.sql-server-performance.com</a><br />Webmaster:<a target="_blank" href=http://www.insidesql.de>http://www.insidesql.de</a>
  9. dineshasanka Moderator

    nice <img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br /><br />----------------------------------------<br />Contributing Editor, Writer & Forums Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><br />Visit my Blog at<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://dineshasanka.spaces.live.com/>http://dineshasanka.spaces.live.com/</a><br />
  10. satya Moderator

    Recently I have been flooding with offers from there too [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' />], bit inclined to go to homelad.<br /><br /><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Writer, Contributing Editor & Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing. <hr noshade size="1">Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves or we know where we can find information on it.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>
  11. MohammedU New Member

    If any one paying 30 laks per year....please recomend my name... I will go [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br />MohammedU.<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br />All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.<br />
  12. Madhivanan Moderator

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by MohammedU</i><br /><br />If any one paying 30 laks per year....please recomend my name... I will go [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br />MohammedU.<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br />All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.<br /><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">Is that enough? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail
  13. ranjitjain New Member

    [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br />I feel Candidate is perfectly suited for project manager position[8D]
  14. satya Moderator

    I believe we have to include Mohammed's on the above list [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />].<br /><br /><b>Satya SKJ</b><br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Writer, Contributing Editor & Moderator<br /<a target="_blank" href=http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com>http://www.SQL-Server-Performance.Com</a><br /><center><font color="teal"><font size="1">This posting is provided AS IS with no rights for the sake of <i>knowledge sharing. <hr noshade size="1">Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves or we know where we can find information on it.</i></font id="size1"></font id="teal"></center>
  15. jaybee New Member

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by ranjitjain</i><br /><br />[<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />][<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif' alt=':D' />]<br />I feel Candidate is perfectly suited for project manager position[8D]<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br /><br />I was going to say, he'll make a TYPICAL PM...<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-1.gif' alt=':)' /><br /><br />I despise them with a vengeance, although actually I've met a few good ones, but they are the minority.<br />
  16. MohammedU New Member

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Madhivanan</i><br /><br /><blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by MohammedU</i><br /><br />If any one paying 30 laks per year....please recomend my name... I will go [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br />MohammedU.<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br />All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.<br /><br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">Is that enough? [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br /><br />Madhivanan<br /><br />Failing to plan is Planning to fail<br /><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><br />I will try to adjust with this but don't deny if any one offers more [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-5.gif' alt=';)' />]<br />But no PM postion [<img src='/community/emoticons/emotion-4.gif' alt=':p' />]<br /><br /><br />MohammedU.<br />Microsoft SQL Server MVP<br />Moderator<br />SQL-Server-Performance.com<br /><br />All postings are provided “AS IS” with no warranties for accuracy.<br />

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