SQL Server Performance

Lets poke fun on DBAs

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Being a DBA' started by satya, Aug 31, 2007.

  1. satya Moderator

    [;)][:p] (copied from Internet)
    Your first reaction to your kids credit card/phone bill is to ROLLBACK!
    You remove the cursor from your computer and use the keyboard because “cursors are the devils seed”. [:D]

    You spend your lunch break inventing new DBCC commands e.g. DBCC LOSE_DATA(‘annoying_user’) WITH NORECOVERY

    When your partner asks you to tidy up you run a DBCC REINDEX?

    The high point of your day is killing an offending user process and you debate adding an index or deleting a user for performance improvement.


  2. FrankKalis Moderator

  3. Luis Martin Moderator

  4. ghemant Moderator

    <P mce_keep="true">[quote user="satya"] <P>Your first reaction to your <STRIKE>kids,</STRIKE>&nbsp; kids/wife credit card/phone bill is to ROLLBACK!&nbsp; [:p]</P><P>You remove the cursor from your computer and use the keyboard because “cursors are the devils seed”. <IMG alt="Big Smile" src="http://sql-server-performance.com/Community/emoticons/emotion-2.gif">&nbsp;</P>[/quote]&nbsp; LOL [:D]
  5. bradmcgehee New Member

    You mean these are jokes? I thought they were best practices. [6]
  6. satya Moderator

    LOL, yes they are within your database environment... but usual practice to forget them in real lift too [:p]
  7. alzdba Member

    does this also include starting perfmon to see how your wife is coping with the childerns nagging ?[8-|]
  8. satya Moderator

    LOL, also run PROFILER when they are not obeying your orders quickly [;)].
  9. alzdba Member

    - haven't you started them in fibre mode ?[:S]
    - I also enable the WSRM-profile "Dady's at home", so I receive at least 60% of their time [H]

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